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As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I start to date any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Each individual's intimate path varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you could encounter someone offering a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.